About Me

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Rock Hill, SC, United States
"My heart is overflowing with a good theme. I recite my compositions concerning the King. My tongue is the pen of a ready writer." (Psalm 45:1) This verse has become a life verse for me. As I continue to walk it out, I realize this journey as a breast cancer survivor has changed me but does not define me. I remain the loved, chosen, redeemed and blessed child of the living God who supplies me daily with more hope, strength, grace and courage than I ever dreamed I could possess! God has been so good to me ... indeed my tongue is the pen of a ready writer ... poised to tell the story of my faithful Father! I love Him so!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Reflections...past, present and future...

Time to “un-decorate” our trees, put the ornaments away, take the lights down, return the unwanted gifts, go on a diet because of all the goodies that we consumed ... whew, I’m exhausted just typing it!

Seriously, while we will do those things listed above, Christmas is never really over for the believer. I mean, sure the day passes, the season passes, and we flip our calendars but if we abide in Him and He abides in us then we get to celebrate Him, His very presence, every day of every year. What better gift could he give us than Himself - Emmanuel, God with us (John 1:14), His very life, His righteousness, His benefits (1 Peter 2:24)! Oh it just thrills me to think of all that He blesses us with every day of our lives.

For me, I’ve been thinking more and more about how very good God has been to me in 2009. He has taken me to deep places and grown my faith in ways that, given the choice, I would never have desired but He knows best and is molding me, more and more, into His image. The Refiners fire....indeed...and I’m learning to surrender!

And then there’s the last week of December...there has always been something so special to me about the last week of December. The celebrations behind us and the new year before us...we find ourselves standing between the old and the new. We find ourselves standing on the precipice of untouched days ahead and it sets our hearts to dreaming of all that can be and maybe will be. I find it so refreshing and exciting, even with the unknown of those days.

So Happy New Year my friends! I pray that you will reflect on 2009 fondly. I pray that even in the ups and downs of this past year you will have seen the mighty hand of God in your life. I pray that as you stand on the brink of 2010 you will be more determined than ever before to press in and press on. More determined to surrender to His will and the calling on your life!

Be blessed!
Cindy K.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Mixing - underway!

Today has been spent in the studio watching, listening to the mix of the songs that are on my CD. Wow! It's truly an amazing process and GAT3 studios is just awesome. They have walked me through this entire process with such authentic attention and interest to the heart of my vision. From the incredible musicians and background singers they have arranged, to the current mix process they have honored the call of my heart. Thank you GAT3.

So many of you have told me that you would like to purchase a copy of my CD and I think the best way to allow that would be to let you pre-order a copy. With this in mind, I've added a Buy Now button and as soon as the CD is available I will mail it or deliver it to you. You know where to find me at church :) and I'll make every effort to get it into your hands ASAP. I hope to have the finished product in hand by the first week of January 2010.

My blog address to pre-order is http://psalmfortyfiveone.blogspot.com

Please take advantage of this option and I thank you for your love and support throughout the process. God has blessed me with the very best friends and family. I love you all.

And what a process ... truly, what a ride this has been! Who would have thought that out of the midst of my fear, pain, anxiety, illness, uncertainty ... our Father would open this door of opportunity... I thank you Lord for turning my sadness to joy, for being the song that I sing. We're still walking this journey out aren't we God? But, I trust in You! I trust in the work You have already done in my health and I surrender to Your will for the rest my life! I chose to praise you while I have my being! (Psalm 146:2) Oh may You be blessed by this project! It's all for You! I love You wildly!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Look upon the cross.....

Everywhere we look, if we look with spirit eyes, we can see Him! I was out walking the other day and looked up into the trees. I noticed that in the top of the tree it appeared that the branches had formed the shape of a cross. This is what I saw....

Can you make it out? Oh I hope so. I hope this is not one of those ... "guess you had to be there moments". Look in the top of the tree...

Well, it struck me as I walked, in fact, I almost walked into a mailbox looking up so intently....everywhere we go, everything we see, everything in our lives are because of an awesome, holy, sovereign God.

Today I was reading Psalm 99 - 103. Can I share a little of what He impressed upon me? I'm not typing all the verses, just the key words, phrases that especially ministered to me.

Psalm 99: 5 - 9
Exalt the Lord our God
And worship at His footstool;
Holy is He.

Moses, Aaron, Samuel.....they called upon the Lord (vs 6)
He spoke to them...(vs 7)
They kept His testimonies....(vs 7)
Oh Lord, our God, You answered them....(vs 8)

Oh to have that same level of confidence and intimacy....

Psalm 100:5
For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.

Just in case we think we need a reason to worship Him..that verse offers us a very good one!

Psalm 101:1
I will sing of lovingkindness and justice, to You, O Lord, I will sing praises!

Our goal for each day....are we singing and praising Him with the songs of our heart? In every season? Under every blue sky? Under every stormy one?

Psalm 102: 26-27
You, (God) endure....
You, (God) are the same
And Your years will not come to an end....

Psalm 103 (I love this entire Psalm)

Bless Him who heals, redeems, loves, changes not - I on the other hand am simply dust (vs 14) and He knows it yet He walks with me through all of my "dusty days". He withholds no good thing from His children....His lovingkindness is everlasting to everlasting....
His sovereignty rules over all.

What a faithful God, creative in all His works....and all of creation acknowledges Him....we must only cease our striving and simply know that He (alone) is God. Be blessed today, my fellow bags of dust! You are loved with the everlasting love of an everlasting God.

Cindy K.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Glory to God...Forever!

It's hard to believe that it has been 6 months since my life journey took an unexpected turn. In that 6 months I've experienced the amazing grace of God! He has met me right at my point of need with overwhelming tenderness, mercy and favor. He has made the unbearable bearable and I have found that as His child my soul can sing not only under blue skies but also under stormy ones.

Please know that I'm still walking this journey out, face to the ground, but over the past 3 months God has placed a calling on my heart to speak boldly of His mercy, His goodness, His faithfulness in the midst of my storm. As a result, I've written a small (12 page) booklet that will accompany an 11 song CD that I will begin recording at GAT3 Studios (Charlotte) on Thursday, Oct. 22nd. I've booked the studio for the entire process of this project. GAT3 has hired 4 studio musicians from Nashville, Asheville, and Charlotte as well as a background singer to accompany me. I'm so excited that I just can hardly sit still! It's gonna be so much fun. The working title at this point is "Overwhelmed" because I simply am.

I appreciate your prayers this Thursday, if you happen to think of me, as I go into that studio for one purpose only....to make much of Jesus! May He use this offering as He desires! May He continue to work in my life and in my health as He chooses and may I submit to His sovereignty over everything that touches me. I bow the knee now and forevermore.

Let the words (& songs) of my mouth and the meditation of
my heart be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14)
I'll keep you posted. Much love to you all!

Cindy K.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Divine Exchange

It's been a really long time since I've blogged. I've just been trying to adjust and get settled in to my life post diagnosis, surgery and radiation and it's been a little harder than I thought it would be. The medicine has been very difficult to adjust to but by God's grace I'll make it. And, speaking of His grace that is exactly why I'm blogging....

I was sitting on my patio this evening...just a few minutes ago in fact...listening to my Ipod. I've found a new song in the past few months called "Divine Exchange" by Lara Martin. (Hey SCCC friends, she's the same worshiper who wrote "God Is Here") Anyway, as I'm singing along I look up into the treetops that are set against an otherwise gray sky and there I see it...a little golden toward the top of the trunk. What could that be? Dry bark in the midst of damp? No, it was golden sunshine hitting in one spot alone. The clouds must be breaking somewhere in the distance allowing a little ray of gold to hit the top of my tree.

I could hear God speak to me in that very moment, affirming the lyric that my heart (and my Ipod were singing)..."and as I worship You, You lead me to the place; to the place of Divine Exchange" .... Something as simple as the exchange of gray sky for a spot of golden sun can represent His goodness in the midst of struggle. He's is so good to us, so faithful, so very present. I love Him with all of my heart!

I grabbed my camera so I could share this pic with you and I hope the pic will appear in this post in such a way so that you can see the golden sun. I've also listed the lyrics so you can read them.
Divine Exchange (by Lara Martin)
My heart is captivated, Lord, by You alone.
Captured by the awesomeness of You alone.
Melted by the grace and mercy You have shown.
I stand in wonder.
I reach to You, the One who makes
the blind eyes see.
Who breaks the chains of sickness with authority.
Restoring what was broken so it may fly again.
I live to worship You
I breathe to worship You
All of my days, Your face I will seek
For as I worship You
You lead me to the place
To the place of divine exchange ......
Thanks for letting me share this special moment between Jesus and me! Be blessed!
Cindy K.
PS: If you'd like to hear the song, you can google Lara Martin which should take you to a link for her Myspace page. This song is in her playlist. It is not in Itunes.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Real Christmas Story - Show Dates

Many of you have asked for my cast show dates of Narroway Productions - The Real Christmas Story. I've posted them below. The shows are selling out so get your tickets soon. Such a fun and festive holiday show. Call 803-802-2300 or visit http://www.narroway.net/
Hope to see you there ....

Show Dates
November 13th- Fri 6:30pm
November 14th- Sat. 2 shows @ 12pm & 5pm
November 28th- Sat. 2 shows 12pm & 5pm
November 29th- Sun. 2:30pm
December 3rd- Thur. 6:30pm
December 4th- Fri. 6:30pm
December 12th- Sat. 2 shows 12 pm & 5pm
December 13th- Sun. 2:30pm
December 17th- Thur. 6:30pm
December 18th- Fri. 6:30pm

Cindy K.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Standing Speechless ....

Well, here I stand - speechless, silenced in His presence; I stand - changed deep within by this journey. I stand - safely and confidently, on the other side of treatment. I stand - my faith intact - stronger; my soul encouraged - comforted; my heart more in love with my Father who orders all of my days. I stand - holding tightly to His hand, thankful for His faithfulness in the midst of my storm. I stand - because He alone upholds me. I stand - eyes fixed on Him, looking ahead, pressing forward.

In Jesus Name,

Friday, July 24, 2009

One left ...

ONE .....

I have 1 treatment remaining
The word "one" has 1 consonant
Remember this song? ...everybody sing ..... "1 is the loneliest number that you'll ever do" (Three Dog Night - 1969)
The world says "look out for #1" ; hmmm, that can't be right!

Truth is, ONE holds much more significance (and comfort) if I gaze beyond my trial ....
Jesus said, "I and the Father are one (1)" - John 10:30
Remember the shepherd who would leave the 99 sheep in search of the 1 that was lost? ... In the same way, heaven rejoices over 1 sinner who repents - Luke 15:4-7
The church - one (1) body - Romans 12:5
1 Lord, 1 faith, 1 baptism - Ephesians 4:5
1 God, 1 Mediator - 1 Timothy 2:5
1 cross .... 1 Savior ... 1 Sacrifice ... One dying for all ... - 2 Corinthians 5:14
1 boulder, rolled away...
1 empty tomb...
1 angel , proclaiming "He is not here"... - Mark 16:4

Each one of us must make the choice for ourselves....will we choose Him as the One and only? Will we proclaim that He alone is God? Will we bow before none other? Will we acknowledge Him as the One, single, solitary.... way, truth, life, & access to the Father? - John 14:6
I pray so .....

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Two ......2....

Well, I have 2 treatments left but apart from that fact, what significance is there in the number 2? I let my mind go wild again and here is my list ....

Fact: I woke up at 2something this a.m. thinking incessantly about the number 2...told you I had OC....
It took me 2 hours to fall back asleep.... I'm not kidding!
There are 2 consonants in the word two.
My oldest son was 2 when son #2 came along in the 2nd month of 1991 (which by the way that year has 2 1's and 2 9's in it!)
My address has a 2 in it..
My phone number has a 2 in it...
My zip code has 2 2's
My house is the 2nd house on my street (which, by the way, street has 2 t's and 2 e's in it!)
Have you ever ridden a bicyle built for 2?
Tony Orlando and Dawn continued their song with option #2 ...."twice on the pipes (2 times) if the answer is No". (I loved that song as a little 6 y/o kid in 1970).
I am the 2nd daughter in a family of 2 daughters.
2 has 2 homonyms ... to and too
Most body parts come in 2's...2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 hands, 2 feet...
How about "2 for Tea" - Doris Day (1950)
Have you ever heard that 2 can live as cheaply as 1?
How about 2 Peas in a Pod?
Who remembers the show "Room 222" with Karen Valentine?
God's Word is sharper than any 2-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12)
God's Word is divided into 2 parts - the Old and New Testaments
Noah took 2 of every kind of animal into the ark
Jesus fed the multitude with 2 fish (and five loaves)
Jesus healed 2 blind men at the same time (Matt. 9:27-31)
Remember, the widows "2 small copper coins" (Luke 21:2)
Jesus sent the 70 out ahead of Him, in pairs - that means 2 (Luke 10:1)
No one can serve 2 masters (Matt. 6:24)
2 theives were crucified alongside our Lord
Soldiers, plural, stood guard at the tomb...had to be at least 2

Something to think about....we'll talk again tomorrow. Be blessed!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

THREE - what a curious number!

I have a confession to make. My name is Cindy and I have OCD :) I don't really, well I don't really know, I just can't decide if I do or not, I'll give it more thought ...LOL! Meantime, let me tell you about this silly little mental exercise that I did indeed become obsessed with today as I took my walk...just so you know? I don't exercise because I love it; I do it solely for my hips & thighs and the oxygen boost that it is giving my cells - that's what research says, anyway, and it's funny how my mind just thinks of the craziest things to pass the time. Sometimes, I actually do something productive, like pray, but lots of times my mind just goes limp and random. That's what happened today.

Okay, so I was out walking and thinking about the fact that I have 3 treatments left. Praise God! He's just so good! Anyway, you'd think that would be the end of that thought, right?...not so. I began to think of all the significant "3's" and I was surprised at how many there were....I just couldn't stop thinking of them and it really did become a very silly mental exercise....but before I knew it I was back at my driveway...walk was over...boredom was relieved...here's my list.....

I have 3 children
3 of them are sons
There are 3 bedrooms in my house
One of those bedrooms currently has 3 twin beds in it right now as we have guests; Praise God for large rooms in this "ole house".
I have 3 dogs, since Brad brought his puppy home to stay for the summer.
The number of wheels on my old tricycle - 3
There are 3 consonants in the word THRee
Remember, the 3 blind mice, 3 little pigs and 3 little bears?
How about this little saying ... 3rd time's the charm
You'll get 3 wishes should you find a genie in a bottle
Tony Orlando and Dawn sang .... knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me
There are 3 leaves on a poison ivy plant.
What is the 3rd day of the work week? today - Wednesday
You should eat 3 square meals a day; 3 fruit servings and at least 3 veggies.
3 persons of the trinity - God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit
There were 3 disciples closest to Jesus
3 things to love the Lord your God with ... all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. (Matt. 22:37)
3 times Jesus asked Peter "Do you love me?"
3 times Peter replied, "Lord, You know I love you?"
3 times Peter denied Him.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him would not perish but have everlasting life.
3 crosses stood atop Golgotha

Hmmm.....I wonder what the number 2 will look like tomorrow? I'll let you know....

Blessings! (hey there are 3 s's in blessings)
Cindy K.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

And Then There Were 4....

I have 4 more treatments left and my heart can hardly contain the blessing and gratitude of His awesome grace to me in this journey. I'm just a mess in His presence right now. His tenderness pierces the very depth of my soul. I look back over this journey (and life, in general) and just stand in awe at His sovereign attentiveness. He is so good to this pile of dust bowing at His feet.

Psalm 103
Praise for the LORD'S Mercies.
A Psalm of David.

1 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
3Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
4Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
6The LORD performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
7He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
8The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
9He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
12As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
14For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
15As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
17But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
18To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
19The LORD has established His throne in the heavens,
And His sovereignty rules over all.
20Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Mighty in strength, who perform His word,
Obeying the voice of His word!
21Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You who serve Him, doing His will.
22Bless the LORD, all you works of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Well I think God's word says it all.....I will continue to Bless His Holy Name!

Thanks for your friendship and prayers,

Cindy K.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Only 9 treatments left...

As of today, I only have 9 treatments left. I made it to the single digits! Yah! It is still going well...minimal fatigue and skin issues. God is so good and so faithful to walk us through the moments of our days. He is good! That reminds me of the time that I told my then 9 year old son that God is a good God. He simply and matter of factly replied, "Mom, He is the ONLY God!"

Oh yes, He is a good God; indeed, He is the Only God!

Jeremiah 10:6-7 (New American Standard Bible)

6 There is none like You, O LORD;
You are great, and great is Your name in might.
7 Who would not fear You, O King of the nations?
Indeed it is Your due!
For among all the wise men of the nations
And in all their kingdoms,
There is none like You.

Have a great day walking with the marvelous, matchless King of kings and Lord of lords.

Cindy K.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

12 Treatments Remaining...

Today I completed my 21st treatment. This process has not made time stand still as I thought for sure it would do. It seemed almost overwhelming at the beginning to be facing 33 treatments, 5 days/week, 6 1/2 weeks...not matter how I said it it just seemed like such a long time. Now as I look in the rear view mirror I can see the ground we've covered. And, it's been very do-able. My side effects have been so minimal and it's been such a blessing.

At my visit today, the Dr. did another CAT scan. This to look at the tumor bed (site), which should have, and has, shrunk some and also to adjust my treatment, position, focus to provide a "final punch" to the former tumor bed. He let me see the image on the computer as I left the room. Honestly, I didn't like the way it looked and I looked at him and asked "Are you sure that this is normal tissue?" He assured me that it was. I continued to press. "Nothing in there looking like it ought not be there?" He replied that it all looked fine. My final question was - "Cause if there was something there you'd be able to see it right?" He replied yes. So I told him "Okay, I will leave it with you and I am going for a coffee on my way to work and not gonna worry about life." And that's exactly what I did.

So here I sit at my desk, with coffee in hand, taking a break from my regular work to update my blog and thinking about the familiar twinge of fear that tried to creep in as I looked at the CAT scan screen today. Why is that? Haven't I faced the ultimate fear already, afterall, haven't I already heard the words... it is malignant? Will I always have that twinge of fear and apprehension when they peer into my body? Well I find the answers to be.. in order of the above questions ... Don't know, Yes and Yes... But I don't have to let fear (today or tomorrow) grip me and dictate my response.

It all goes back to the greatest truth I somewhat knew but now know that I know even more in the midst of my journey....simply stated my life is in His hands...we have this moment and that is all we've ever had. I will run my race wrapped in His grace, doing all that He has called me to do for all the days He gives me to do it.

Oh how I love You Lord! You've been so much more than merciful to me and You have shown me Your undeserved favor. You have taken such good care of me in this unfortunate diagnosis, yes, but the greatest gift from Your hand is the salvation of my soul, the hope of eternity, righteousness in Christ alone to stand before a holy God ..... this is enough but in your lavish love for me you give me joy and confidence and peace ...

Psalm 4: 7 - 8 (Amplified Bible)

7 You have put more joy and rejoicing in my heart than [they know] when their wheat and new wine have yielded abundantly.

8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust.

Oh my heart overflows with a good theme indeed ... You stun me Lord, You absolutely blow me away with Your majesty and goodness!

May He bless you, my friend, and absolutely stun you to pieces today!

Cindy K.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Going down the other side ....

Today I took my first step on the other side of the half way mark. I officially have less treatments left than what I've already had. Things are going very good...at least as far as my endurance. Fatigue is not noticeable.... afterall, I've always loved to sleep :) ... and the skin irritation is just so minuscule. I'm tempted to ask if they are sure the machine is plugged in. Just kidding. I do feel some changes but they are so completely cope-able. God is good and I'm simply trusting in His mercy over my life and healing. He has been so undeservedly good to me through out this time. I never imagined that I could look a potentially life threatening disease in the face and have the strength, courage and faith to stand. All praise, glory, honor and fame to God, my Father, my Dad who has prepared me all of my life to walk this road. I'm humbled that He has entrusted me with this hardship and is giving me the daily, moment by moment grace to run my race.

Sorry for being so wordy and maybe even a little too personal with my reflections but my heart is just so full...and you know me so you know that I've never had much success at being quiet and introspective. Furthermore, when my fingers get to typing it's like standing on a moutaintop shouting all the goodness of the Lord for all to hear. Thanks for letting me shout .... I love to hear your shouts too ... your joys and victories .... we walk our journeys together ... we all need each other. What a privilege walking with you all. I love you but Jesus loves you more!

Moving on, today I also said goodbye to Mrs. Helms. The 2nd, and the older (in her 70's) of two women that were halfway through their treatments when I began. It's kind of sad to say goodbye. I looked forward to our brief conversations each morning. She also will be in my thoughts and I sincerely pray that she always walks in good health and in God's incredible mercy and favor all the days of her life.

Well that's it from me for today. I hope you have a great day. Spend time with the Father and may He be your delight and as you delight in Him, know that He delights in you and will show you incredible things and it just keeps going on and on ...

Psalm 119:18-20 (Amplified Bible)

18Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of Your law.

19I am a stranger and a temporary resident on the earth; hide not Your commandments from me.

20My heart is breaking with the longing that it has for Your ordinances and judgments at all times.

We Love You Lord!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Almost half way....

Today marks the almost half-way mark...treatment #15 of 33. Wow! The days are passing by quickly. Today, I said goodbye to a sweet woman I've met who was mid-way through her treatments when I began. Today was her final treatment. This is her 3rd bout with breast cancer but all is looking good for her. We've become acquainted over the past 3 weeks as we sit there in our hospital gowns awaiting our turn. They move the patients through in a very peaceful, orderly, calming fashion and they are very efficient so the wait is usually as quick or quicker than the actual treatment. Not long to visit but we all already know one thing about each other....we're being treated for some form of cancer.

Anyway, you get to know a little about folks in situations like this. Today, we discovered that our 18 y/o's (my Cory and her daughter, Hayli) both graduated from South Pointe H.S. class of 2009. They apparently had classes together and while we both had heard the names we never connected the dots. It's a really small world. Over these last weeks, we've briefly shared some of our personal journey and I've sensed in her a sweet spirit and gentle, calm nature. She seems so at peace....

... at peace,
......the only place a cancer patient can truly live
but unattainable without the Lord
...it's just too much without Him, in fact,
I don't know how anyone faces this without Him
.... there's so much life to live in the midst of this fight for life and
He's the only One who can bring perspective and balance and Hope
.... He is our Hope! ...

and so my prayers will be with her today and tomorrow and as often as the Lord brings this lovely lady, named Janice, to my mind. She has forever touched my heart and I pray God's favor on her all the days of her life.

As I reach the mid-point of my own treatments, it occurred to me that there will probably be a new "Janice" joining us in the "hospital gowned waiting area". Maybe she will be scared or angry or feeling hopeless. Maybe she will be optimistic and peaceful and a sister in Christ. Who knows? But I know this, God has entrusted this journey to me and I pray for His wisdom and compassion and grace to touch whomever sits next to me each day.

Oh may my life, my words, my journey represent Him well and cause others to turn their gaze upon the Son of the Most High God. He is the only Hope any of us have!

Blessings my friends,

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Just a quick update...

Nothing much to report. Today was treatment #13 so there are a mere 20 treatments left :) They are going by rather quickly. And, I'm not feeling any real side effects yet and I'm happy about that. Thanks for all your continued prayers and as the Lord brings you to my mind I've been praying for you too.

Hope you have a good day!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Today...This Moment...

It's Saturday today and I finished my first full week of radiation treatment yesterday (the first week was only 4 days because we started on a Tuesday) so that makes a total of 9 down and only 24 more to go. Yah! I'm so thankful that God is sustaining me. I was told that the fatigue and skin irritation would set in around the 2 week mark. Technically, I'm still a little shy of that mark but today I feel great. I'm doing some much needed deep cleaning around the house. Our 9 month old puppy, Murphy, with the face so ugly only a mother could love...(he's a blk/wht Japanese Chin)...sheds....alot...and my allergies are in an uproar. Gotta stay on top of that if we are going to get along! :) That's his picture....

Last night, we had a performance of "Not Just Another Love Story". The audience was very receptive and I think they enjoyed the show. I was especially glad that after a long day of 13 hours combined work and performance I wasn't wiped out. God is good and He sustains us in all that He calls us to do. Today my prayers are with the "Gospel According To Tennessee" cast as they have 2 shows which makes for a very long day indeed. May God be glorified in the theater today! If you haven't been to Narroway Productions you should come on out for a show. You will be blessed.

Well, that's all. I'm just feeling so content and comfortable in my today...this moment...how about you? Are you finding it hard to "be still and know that He is God"? We all find ouselves there sometimes...press through....don't settle....find the stillness that changes your perspective and drives you to your knees in awe of One so great.

I hope you all have a great Father's Day weekend. Love your earthly/spiritual Fathers well! And don't forget to spend some extra time with the Father of all creation...that's where I'm off to right now...to sit in His awesome presence and linger a while. Can't wait to see what He has for me.....just stun me Lord. That is my prayer!


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I'm currently praying for...

Mildred Williams - Mother-in-law of a friend of mine (elderly) recently diagnosed with cancer and heading to Chapel Hill for surgery tomorrow (6/18). May God give her doctors wisdom as they perform her surgery; the nurses extra tenderness as they care for her post-op; and give her peace and endurance for the recovery road ahead.

Genesis - 14 y/o with cancer; receiving treatments. May God touch her - extra special!

It just blows my mind how dependent we truly are on the Lord to meet our every need. We all know someone who struggles with something and it drives us to our knees. I don't know how anyone faces life's uncertainties without His love, grace, mercy and favor over their lives.

Have a great day in Him,

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Still counting .....

Today was treatment #6 and I don't know if it's my imagination or the real thing but I think the fatigue is at least "lurking" in the shadows :) They told me the side effects would begin around the 2 week mark but ...... not trying to borrow trouble .... but I was bushed around 2:30 today. This was a different/new kind of "tired". Took a little rest and am feeling more refreshed. I'm cooking a simple dinner and I think I'll let my guys do the dishes tonight, huh? ... and the laundry and the floors :)

While they do that I may go for my walk, it'll probably tire me but if so I'll just go on to bed. At least my hips and thighs will be happy!

Hope you all are doing well!
Cindy K.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Radiation Update

Well, I completed my first 4 treatments today and there are only 29 left to go. I get the weekend off...yah! Treatment is going well, I guess, as I can't really see any results of it yet. All the effect is taking place on the inside, killing the healthy and any left over unhealthy cells, if there are any. The Dr. said to think of it as "mopping up" the remaining area. As a Mom I can picture that process :) Anyway, he said the physical signs of fatigue and skin irritation would begin around the 2 week mark and everyone's reaction is different in terms of severity. Hopefully, mine will be minimal. Right now I just pray and trust we're making good progress. Have a great day in Christ and a restful weekend.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

No. 2 is in the bag....

Okay, so I'm driving to work and I'm thinking about the fact that No 2 (treatment) is done and over with..."in the bag" so to speak. And then I get to thinking about how I'm "filling" up a mental bag or bucket of my treatments so that I can orderly process and tally them. That's okay and I will continue to do this little exercise to help pass the days of treatment but it occurred to me that in my walk with Christ he calls me to store up treasures in Heaven (Matt. 6:20-21) that's where my heart is but also through Paul, in Phil. 2:5-8, God inspired these words... "have this same attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus... who ... emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant...He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross". Paul recognized this attitude in His ministry and says in vs 17-18 "But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me."

What a life, what a faith, what surrender that caused one certain man to fall head over heels, madly in love with the Savior and be willing to both store up treasure in heaven and be poured out lavishly in ministry for the advancement of the gospel ....poured out for the souls of all who would hear the message of Christ and learn to truly live, in this life and for all eternity. I want to be like that ..... leaving nothing in my pockets at the end of each day!

Oh God, may my life just be absolutely free-flowing to all who you bring my way. May this current set of uncomfortable circumstances in which, by the way, You are absolutely stunning me in the midst of, may these current circumstances not define me. Rather may they strengthen me in the inner man to do Your will for all my days! Thank you for bending the ear to earth .... Your love for us is lavish!

Blessings to you my friends....have an awesome day!
Cindy K.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

1 down and only 32 to go!

Well, today marks the start of actual treatment. I'm really glad and excited to be at this point. Assuming that I never have to miss a treatment due to illness or machine malfunction then I should have my last treatment on July 24th. I feel like we're really doing something productive now. The surgeries were very productive indeed but I really haven't done anything else since then so this is good for a "do-er" like me.

And, I must say that everything I have heard about radiation treatments has proven true. I saw nothing and felt nothing during the treatment and it took all of 10 minutes. It was very non-eventful. Of course, the side effects (skin irritaiton and fatigue) isn't expected until a couple of weeks into treatment but .... even then ... Praise God! He just takes such good care of us as we walk through our stuff.

I hope and pray that you have a good day today! Let me know how I can pray for you .... it is my honor to partner with you in prayer for yourself and/or your family & friends.

Cindy K.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Radiation Begins on Tuesday, June 9th

Hi my sweet friends and family,

I went in today for my "practice" radiation treatment. Everything seemed to line up appropriately so I'm good to begin the real thing first thing in the morning on Tuesday, June 9th. My appointment time for the next 33 weekday treatments will be 8:05 a.m. :( I am just not an early riser but this will certainly go a long way toward changing that in me, right? I'll go 5 days/week for 6 1/2 weeks....treatments should conclude mid-July.

I've made it my goal to get up extra early so I can have my quiet time, maybe even take my walk, have breakfast AND dress before treatment. Afterall, I do have to go to work afterward....so I've got to get it all done before hand, right? Okay, okay, I can hear some of you laughing already because you know me so well! This plan may be a little bit over-industrious but it gives me a goal to reach for. I'm making it a matter of prayer anyway!

Speaking of prayer, I thank you all for both your prayers and concern for us. I am trusting first in Christ alone. He is my only hope. The final outcome looks promising for me from the medical standpoint but even so I know that healing comes from the Father alone. All of our days (and our health) come from His generous hand and yet we also know that the earthly tent we dwell in is kind of goaning, you know, wearing out alittle more each day and that is as it should be. Don't believe me? Recall 2 Cor. 5.

But, my "here and now" is that "I'm here and it's now" so I'm doing what I can to take care of myself, my tent, for His glory! Like, improving my diet to be full of fresh fruits, veggies and whole grains, lean meats, healthy fats, etc, along with walking 30 minutes a day. I pray this will condition my body for the fight I continue to face to eradicate all cancer traces from my body as I go through the radiation. Each day of taking better care of myself with good food choices, plenty of water, and exercise brings me that much closer to overall better health. It's amazing how God designed our bodies and provided us with the things we need to take care of them. We truly are wonderfully and marvelously made. May we glorify Him in our body ..... (as the verse below says)....

I Cor. 6:19-20
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and that you are not your own?
For you have been bought with a price; therefore, glorify God in your body.

Above all, I'm seeking Him more diligently than ever before. I'm loving spending time alone with Him. Everyday something new is revealed out of scripture. I'm doing a new study right now as part of my quiet time. You may remember that right after Christmas I started Beth Moore's - John - 90 Days with the beloved disciple. (It's from her Personal Reflections Series for those too busy to take a full-fledged class; this you do on your own) That study couldn't have come to me at a more perfect time. I still marvel at how so many of the lesson's were applicable to the exact moment. I had to laugh one day when I was waiting on results from one test or another and looked ahead to Monday's devotion...which was also the expected day of the results...I found the title was "One Foot In The Grave". Someone said to me, "Don't try to get ahead of God." How true!

Anyway, I recently finished the John study and have now started Jesus - 90 Days with the One and Only. It's still applicable to my days, I'm enjoying it just as much (or more) and I wanted to mention it in case you are looking for a new study to embark on........

Have a blessed day today...take good care of yourself....your temple for His glory!
Cindy K.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Congratulations Cory - Class of '09

Cory graduated from South Pointe High School in Rock Hill, SC on Saturday, June 6th. Enjoy the pics of our family.....

Mom and her 3 sons.......

Hmmm....my future is bright!

With Mom and Dad...

Mom and Cory ....

The whole family.....

Cory, we are so proud of you and we know that God will use you mightily for His glory and fame! We love watching your life unfold.....you are one my 3 greatest treasures this side of Heaven! Brad and Will you are the other 2! I love you all!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Treatments will begin next week.....

Yesterday I went to the Radiation Center where they will be doing my treatments. It was all very technical but the long and short of it is that, guided by a CT scan, they marked the skin with the permanent "tatoos" that will serve as alignment for the area to be treated. That data goes yet to another computer and the treatment plan is formulated. Next Monday, June 8th, I'll go in for a "dry run" to make sure everything aligns as it should and if so my first treatment will be on Tuesday, June 9th.

Otherwise, I'm feeling very good. Walking, working, serving, mothering, cooking, cleaning, etc .... all the things that we know to do, we just keep doing .... and the most important thing that we know to do in any and all situations is to "pray without ceasing" I Thess. 5:17 and to "consider it all joy.....knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2&3 God has been so very good to us. I, for one, am feeling very blessed. Are you?

Today I was reading in Isaiah 25 and the very first verse just brought me so much comfort. Now I'm no Old Testament scholar and I realize that this passage was written as a song of praise celebrating deliverance of a different kind many years ago, but it still touched me deeply....

Psalm 25:1 (NAS)
O Lord, You are my God;
I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name;
For You have worked wonders
Plans formed long ago with perfect faithfulness.

I love that perfect faithfulness part right on the heels of the plans being formed long ago and we can't overlook the wonder working aspect. It's true. He knew all things before any of them came to be. He knew our individual struggles as well as the larger scale ones of the Nations of the earth. And, He stands ready to simply stun us with His wonder working power.

Oh He is a good God, the One True God and He carries out the plans of our lives with Perfect Faithfulness indeed. In fact, doesn't He tell us in Psalm 139 that "all our days were ordained before one of them came to be"? I think there's a message somewhere in there :) Let's not miss it.....rest in His all knowing, all sufficient, perfect faithfulness over your every thing, large or small. He knows! He knew your name before the very foundations of the world and he has inscribed you on the palms of His hands (Is. 49:16) He's a personal and intimately acquainted God!

Have a good day today and don't forget to rest in the hands of the Father,

Cindy K.

Friday, May 29, 2009

The "sweetest" thing I've heard today....


I just got an email from a special lady in my life who told me the sweetest thing but before I share it....I wanted to give you an update on my treatment plan. I will meet with the Radiation Oncologist Monday afternoon. That's all I know :) I have no idea what we will accomplish at this next appt but I know this...it moves us one step closer to treatment #1 of 33. Let's do this thing!

Now for the sweetest thing I've heard and I'm trusting she won't mind that I'm sharing it ..... so... she said "I want you to know that I bought a box of pink tic tacs a few weeks ago, and everytime I pop one in my mouth- I pray for you and if my kids ask me for one they say , Mom, can I have a pink tic-tac, I'll pray for Cindy!" I am so honored and humbled by your prayers for me and I thank you. You are precious to me and I love you!

In fact, all of you are precious to me. I want you all to know that as need arises in your lives and certainly as God places you on my heart I will and I am praying for you. My struggle is not so large that I can't look beyond myself and pray for you. It is my honor and privilege to pray. Can you imagine the impact on our faithfulness to pray if we all bought pink tic-tacs and prayed for those precious family and friends that we know who are walking this path through illness and recovery? We would find ourselves being more faithful to the prayer promises we've made.

Well, I just had to share this with each of you that have been checking our blog and I want you to know that I'm honored that you are following along. May we encourage each other as we walk our individual journey's. I'm thankful that we have this moment to walk together. I'm blessed to call you "friend."

Love to you all,
Cindy K.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Favorable Test Results

Hi Everyone,

God is so good to me and I simply don't deserve His mercy.....His mercies are indeed new every morning! Today I went back to the Dr. to get the results from the OncotypeDX test that, you may remember, helps determine my risk of recurrence. I am happy to report that it was good news.....I am in the low risk category and will not benefit from chemo.

I'm heading straight to radiation in the next week or so. That will last for 6 1/2 weeks (5 days a week). The most troubling side effects will be the fatigue that comes on about the 2nd or 3rd week and continues until about 2 to 3 weeks after treatment as well as skin irritation from the radiation itself. There are things they will instruct me in to offset any skin issues.

All in all, I'm very encouraged. As I said, I don't deserve God's mercy to me. I'm keenly aware of the people who don't get encouraging reports. My heart breaks for them, in fact, sitting in the waiting room at the oncologist office today had such a sad affect on me. I saw men and women of all ages obviously in various stages of illness/treatment and my heart just went out to them. The really sobering thing is that now I am one of them sharing in this journey from diagnosis back to health. For some the road is harder than others but for all of us life is never the same. Nor should it be...

Oh may the sky be more blue, the birds' song more sweet, the breeze more refreshing and the touch of someone you love more special. More importantly may the time we spend in prayer and study become richer and as a result may our lives be made more fruitful. Afterall, it is just so all about Him! Right?

Blessings to you my friends.....thanks for your prayers and I'll keep you posted....I'm praying for each of you too.....it is my honor......

Cindy K.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

God Is.....(author unknown)

A friend shared this poem with me today. The author is unknown but the words are so true. I thought you might be encouraged by it. Thanks Sandi for sharing!

God Is...
Author Unknown

He is the First and Last, the Beginning and the End!
He is the Creator of all creation and the Keeper of all he created!
He is the Architect of the universe and the Manager of all times.
He always was, He always is, and He always will be...
Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!

He was bruised and brought healing!
He was pierced and eased pain!
He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
He is risen and brings power!
He reigns and brings Peace!

The world can't understand him,
The armies can't defeat Him,
The schools can't explain Him, and
The leaders can't ignore Him.

Herod couldn't kill Him,
The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and
The People couldn't hold Him!

Nero couldn't crush Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him, and
Oprah can't explain Him away!

He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.
He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.

He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.
His ways are right, His word is eternal,
His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me.

He is my Redeemer, He is my Savior,
He is my guide, and He is my peace!
He is my Joy, He is my comfort,
He is my Lord, and He rules my life!

I serve Him because...
His bond is love,
His burden is light, and
His goal for me is abundant life.

I follow Him because He is...
the wisdom of the wise,
the power of the powerful,
the ancient of days,
the ruler of rulers,
the leader of leaders,
the overseer of the overcomers and the sovereign Lord of all that was and is and is to come.

And if that seems impressive to you, try this on for size...
His goal is a relationship with ME!
He will never leave me,
Never forsake me,
Never mislead me,
Never forget me,
Never overlook me, and
Never cancel my appointment in His appointment book!

When I fall, He lifts me up!
When I fail, He forgives!
When I am weak, He is strong!
When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!
When I am broken, He mends me!
When I am blind, He leads me!
When I am hungry, He feeds me!
When I face trials, He is with me!
When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face problems, He comforts me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face Death, He carries me Home!

He is everything for everybody, everywhere, every time, and every way.

He is God,
He is faithful.
I am His, and He is mine!

My Father in heaven can defeat the father of this world.
So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure, understand this...
He said it and that settles it.
God is in control,
I am on His side, and that means all is well with my soul.

Every day is a blessing - for GOD Is!

The Radiation Oncologist meeting....

Hi All,

Today I met with the Radiation Oncologist and discussed my planned radiation treatment which cannot begin until we get the results of the OncotypeDX test. You may remember that this test will determine if I am a high or low risk for recurrence. If I am high risk we will need to stop by the Chemo room and do a round there before beginning radiation. This would add an extra layer of protection for me.

I should receive those final results on Tuesday, May 26th, when I once again meet with the Medical Oncologist. His office called me this morning to let me know that the blood work they had done on May 7th to check for my ability to use the anti-cancer medication Tamoxifen was positive which means that will be the med of choice for me. That is one more detail that can be checked off.

Well, that's about it with my medical update. I'm feeling great, started walking again, even unpacked my Juiceman Juicer - blew the spiderwebs out of it - and have been enjoying some, among other things, delicious spinach, carrot and pineapple juice....yes all mixed together. It's actually quite good and there is something about drinking it that makes you feel good to know you are getting the veggies/fruits that we all need each day. I can almost feel the cool juice running through the uttermost cells of my body. Okay that's a little melodramatic but it does make you feel good.

I hope that you have a great day today......live in the moment....live in His presence.....and remember His goodness....

Psalm 27:13-14 (New King James Version)

13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.

14 Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Be blessed,

Cindy K.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

From Cory's Heart.....To Mine.....

I was just reflecting on life today and thinking about being a Mom and what joy and pride our sons and daughters bring. It is a wonderful thing to watch God shape the lives of our children. We have them for such a short time before they are grown. As Believers we want nothing more than to see our children fall madly in love with the Lord of all creation and serve Him with all of their might and for all of their days and sometimes we get to glimpse the sacred work that He is doing in their hearts to accomplish this. On the day of my initial diagnosis, Cory (our 18 year old) took pen and paper and wrote from His heart the internal struggle to process our news. Below is the result and I share it with you today...

Just the other day some news came to my ear
For the first time of my life my heart is filled with fear
I'm trying to be strong; trying hard to keep my faith
Lord come here and stay; God I need You to carry on

So I'll keep my eyes on you
I won't look down at my feet
I know you'll see me through
And I won't miss a beat
God there's nothing I can do
Except to trust in you
So Lord lead on
Your will be done
And help me walk in truth.

Lord if You could send a sign or just shed a little light
On the situation that's before me, show me Your might
But if it should be Your will that I should bear this cross
Hold me close to You so that my faith will not be lost

So I'll keep my eyes on you
I won't look down at my feet
I know you'll see me through
And I won't miss a beat
God there's nothing I can do
Except to trust in you
So Lord lead on
Your will be done
And help me walk in truth.

So I will live my life as if there's no tomorrow
God will wipe my eyes and wash away my sorrow
No matter what life brings if what You say is true
Then You are in control and this road leads to You....

So I'll keep my eyes on you
I won't look down at my feet
I know you'll see me through
And I won't miss a beat
God there's nothing I can do
Except to trust in you
So Lord lead on
Your will be done
And help me walk in truth.

Be encouraged today wherever you find yourself. Hold tightly to your faith & keep your eyes on Him. I promise He will sustain you in midst of your day!

BTW, nothing new happening with me....just waiting to see the Oncologist again on May 26th for the results of the test that will determine if I should have a round of chemo before radiation....I will meet my Oncology Radiologist for consultation on May 20th.... am feeling good so meantime, you can find me......

Simply Abiding,
Cindy K.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Living today in the "clear"

So my journey has brought me to this day...the first Friday in 6 weeks that I have not found myself standing on the brink of a weekend filled with waiting (and dreading) the results from one test or another. Oh yes, I feel very blessed indeed to have experienced my birthday, a favorable pathology report of "clear margins", a good first meeting with my oncologist (Dr. Boyd), and official release from my surgeon (Dr. Turk), all of this in the same week. I am appointment free until May 26th when I will once again meet with my oncologist to get the results of a test they are now doing on the tumor that will evaluate the chromosomes and predict chance of recurrence. If they find I am at a high risk for recurrence then we will do chemotherapy but if I am a low risk we will proceed directly to radiation. Either way, I am at peace. The Lord has impressed upon my heart to do exactly as my Doctor suggests. Praise You Lord for Your undeserved mercy and Your continued guidance.

I stand and breathe deeply of the joy that our Father is pouring into my heart at this moment. And while I do I am keenly aware that the joy I feel is entirely from and directed back to to the One who has sustained me in the initial fear of diagnosis and who will sustain me through the treatment phase and as I walk into the unknown of my future as a breast cancer survivor. I'm learning to live in the moment and the moment right now is a treasured gift from His hand...a respite of the struggle of the past weeks. I have comfort from my Lord for my Now and confidence in my Lord for my Future because I know it is secure. First Peter 1: 1-9 is beautiful...when you get the time take a moment and be reminded of the gift of salvation through faith that is ours as believers.

I've chosen to blog about my journey so that I don't leave anyone out of my email updates. You have prayed me through the urgency of the first weeks of this journey and I can never fully express my love and gratitude to you for the selfless prayers you have lifted on my behalf. You have gently carried me and my family to the very throne room of God and I am humbled by your act of love to me. I can only say that standing on this side of a prayer need has made me keenly aware of the importance of the prayers of the Saints. I will never casually approach prayer requests again. No, I will instead pray for others as though my own life depended on it. I have been so moved by the effect of prayer during this time, in fact, I've been desperate for it and you honored me by storming the gates of Heaven for me. I appreciate your continued prayer for my journey ahead as the Lord leads you.

I hope you have a blessed Mother's Day weekend. Share your love with your mother if you're lucky enough to still have her, remember her fondly if she has already passed away and most importantly thank God for His everlasting love.

Blessings to you my precious friends,
Cindy K.