12 Treatments Remaining...

Today I completed my 21st treatment. This process has not made time stand still as I thought for sure it would do. It seemed almost overwhelming at the beginning to be facing 33 treatments, 5 days/week, 6 1/2 weeks...not matter how I said it it just seemed like such a long time. Now as I look in the rear view mirror I can see the ground we've covered. And, it's been very do-able. My side effects have been so minimal and it's been such a blessing.

At my visit today, the Dr. did another CAT scan. This to look at the tumor bed (site), which should have, and has, shrunk some and also to adjust my treatment, position, focus to provide a "final punch" to the former tumor bed. He let me see the image on the computer as I left the room. Honestly, I didn't like the way it looked and I looked at him and asked "Are you sure that this is normal tissue?" He assured me that it was. I continued to press. "Nothing in there looking like it ought not be there?" He replied that it all looked fine. My final question was - "Cause if there was something there you'd be able to see it right?" He replied yes. So I told him "Okay, I will leave it with you and I am going for a coffee on my way to work and not gonna worry about life." And that's exactly what I did.

So here I sit at my desk, with coffee in hand, taking a break from my regular work to update my blog and thinking about the familiar twinge of fear that tried to creep in as I looked at the CAT scan screen today. Why is that? Haven't I faced the ultimate fear already, afterall, haven't I already heard the words... it is malignant? Will I always have that twinge of fear and apprehension when they peer into my body? Well I find the answers to be.. in order of the above questions ... Don't know, Yes and Yes... But I don't have to let fear (today or tomorrow) grip me and dictate my response.

It all goes back to the greatest truth I somewhat knew but now know that I know even more in the midst of my journey....simply stated my life is in His hands...we have this moment and that is all we've ever had. I will run my race wrapped in His grace, doing all that He has called me to do for all the days He gives me to do it.

Oh how I love You Lord! You've been so much more than merciful to me and You have shown me Your undeserved favor. You have taken such good care of me in this unfortunate diagnosis, yes, but the greatest gift from Your hand is the salvation of my soul, the hope of eternity, righteousness in Christ alone to stand before a holy God ..... this is enough but in your lavish love for me you give me joy and confidence and peace ...

Psalm 4: 7 - 8 (Amplified Bible)

⁷ You have put more joy and rejoicing in my heart than [they know] when their wheat and new wine have yielded abundantly.

⁸ In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust.

Oh my heart overflows with a good theme indeed ... You stun me Lord, You absolutely blow me away with Your majesty and goodness!

May He bless you, my friend, and absolutely stun you to pieces today!

Cindy K.