Standing Speechless ....

Well, here I stand - speechless, silenced in His presence; I stand - changed deep within by this journey. I stand - safely and confidently, on the other side of treatment. I stand - my faith intact - stronger; my soul encouraged - comforted; my heart more in love with my Father who orders all of my days. I stand - holding tightly to His hand, thankful for His faithfulness in the midst of my storm. I stand - because He alone upholds me. I stand - eyes fixed on Him, looking ahead, pressing forward.

In Jesus Name,

One left ...

ONE .....

I have 1 treatment remaining
The word "one" has 1 consonant
Remember this song? ...everybody sing ..... "1 is the loneliest number that you'll ever do" (Three Dog Night - 1969)
The world says "look out for #1" ; hmmm, that can't be right!

Truth is, ONE holds much more significance (and comfort) if I gaze beyond my trial ....
Jesus said, "I and the Father are one (1)" - John 10:30
Remember the shepherd who would leave the 99 sheep in search of the 1 that was lost? ... In the same way, heaven rejoices over 1 sinner who repents - Luke 15:4-7
The church - one (1) body - Romans 12:5
1 Lord, 1 faith, 1 baptism - Ephesians 4:5
1 God, 1 Mediator - 1 Timothy 2:5
1 cross .... 1 Savior ... 1 Sacrifice ... One dying for all ... - 2 Corinthians 5:14
1 boulder, rolled away...
1 empty tomb...
1 angel , proclaiming "He is not here"... - Mark 16:4

Each one of us must make the choice for ourselves....will we choose Him as the One and only? Will we proclaim that He alone is God? Will we bow before none other? Will we acknowledge Him as the One, single, solitary.... way, truth, life, & access to the Father? - John 14:6

I pray so .....

Cindy

Two ......2....

Well, I have 2 treatments left but apart from that fact, what significance is there in the number 2? I let my mind go wild again and here is my list ....

Fact: I woke up at 2something this a.m. thinking incessantly about the number 2...told you I had OC....
It took me 2 hours to fall back asleep.... I'm not kidding!
There are 2 consonants in the word two.
My oldest son was 2 when son #2 came along in the 2nd month of 1991 (which by the way that year has 2 1's and 2 9's in it!)
My address has a 2 in it..
My phone number has a 2 in it...
My zip code has 2 2's
My house is the 2nd house on my street (which, by the way, street has 2 t's and 2 e's in it!)
Have you ever ridden a bicyle built for 2?
Tony Orlando and Dawn continued their song with option #2 ...."twice on the pipes (2 times) if the answer is No". (I loved that song as a little 6 y/o kid in 1970).
I am the 2nd daughter in a family of 2 daughters.
2 has 2 homonyms ... to and too
Most body parts come in 2's...2 eyes, 2 ears, 2 hands, 2 feet...
How about "2 for Tea" - Doris Day (1950)
Have you ever heard that 2 can live as cheaply as 1?
How about 2 Peas in a Pod?
Who remembers the show "Room 222" with Karen Valentine?
God's Word is sharper than any 2-edged sword (Hebrews 4:12)
God's Word is divided into 2 parts - the Old and New Testaments
Noah took 2 of every kind of animal into the ark
Jesus fed the multitude with 2 fish (and five loaves)
Jesus healed 2 blind men at the same time (Matt. 9:27-31)
Remember, the widows "2 small copper coins" (Luke 21:2)
Jesus sent the 70 out ahead of Him, in pairs - that means 2 (Luke 10:1)
No one can serve 2 masters (Matt. 6:24)
2 theives were crucified alongside our Lord
Soldiers, plural, stood guard at the tomb...had to be at least 2


Something to think about....we'll talk again tomorrow. Be blessed!
Cindy

THREE - what a curious number!

I have a confession to make. My name is Cindy and I have OCD :) I don't really, well I don't really know, I just can't decide if I do or not, I'll give it more thought ...LOL! Meantime, let me tell you about this silly little mental exercise that I did indeed become obsessed with today as I took my walk...just so you know? I don't exercise because I love it; I do it solely for my hips & thighs and the oxygen boost that it is giving my cells - that's what research says, anyway, and it's funny how my mind just thinks of the craziest things to pass the time. Sometimes, I actually do something productive, like pray, but lots of times my mind just goes limp and random. That's what happened today.

Okay, so I was out walking and thinking about the fact that I have 3 treatments left. Praise God! He's just so good! Anyway, you'd think that would be the end of that thought, right?...not so. I began to think of all the significant "3's" and I was surprised at how many there were....I just couldn't stop thinking of them and it really did become a very silly mental exercise....but before I knew it I was back at my driveway...walk was over...boredom was relieved...here's my list.....

I have 3 children
3 of them are sons
There are 3 bedrooms in my house
One of those bedrooms currently has 3 twin beds in it right now as we have guests; Praise God for large rooms in this "ole house".
I have 3 dogs, since Brad brought his puppy home to stay for the summer.
The number of wheels on my old tricycle - 3
There are 3 consonants in the word THRee
Remember, the 3 blind mice, 3 little pigs and 3 little bears?
How about this little saying ... 3rd time's the charm
You'll get 3 wishes should you find a genie in a bottle
Tony Orlando and Dawn sang .... knock 3 times on the ceiling if you want me
There are 3 leaves on a poison ivy plant.
What is the 3rd day of the work week? today - Wednesday
You should eat 3 square meals a day; 3 fruit servings and at least 3 veggies.
3 persons of the trinity - God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit
There were 3 disciples closest to Jesus
3 things to love the Lord your God with ... all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. (Matt. 22:37)
3 times Jesus asked Peter "Do you love me?"
3 times Peter replied, "Lord, You know I love you?"
3 times Peter denied Him.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him would not perish but have everlasting life.
3 crosses stood atop Golgotha

Hmmm.....I wonder what the number 2 will look like tomorrow? I'll let you know....

Blessings! (hey there are 3 s's in blessings)
Cindy K.

And Then There Were 4....

I have 4 more treatments left and my heart can hardly contain the blessing and gratitude of His awesome grace to me in this journey. I'm just a mess in His presence right now. His tenderness pierces the very depth of my soul. I look back over this journey (and life, in general) and just stand in awe at His sovereign attentiveness. He is so good to this pile of dust bowing at His feet.

Psalm 103
Praise for the LORD'S Mercies.
A Psalm of David.
1 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
3Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
4Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
6The LORD performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
7He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
8The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
9He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
12As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
14For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
15As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
17But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
18To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
19The LORD has established His throne in the heavens,
And His sovereignty rules over all.
20Bless the LORD, you His angels,
Mighty in strength, who perform His word,
Obeying the voice of His word!
21Bless the LORD, all you His hosts,
You who serve Him, doing His will.
22Bless the LORD, all you works of His,
In all places of His dominion;
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Well I think God's word says it all.....I will continue to Bless His Holy Name!

Thanks for your friendship and prayers,

Cindy K.

Final Count Down .....

5 treatments to go .....

Only 9 treatments left...

As of today, I only have 9 treatments left. I made it to the single digits! Yah! It is still going well...minimal fatigue and skin issues. God is so good and so faithful to walk us through the moments of our days. He is good! That reminds me of the time that I told my then 9 year old son that God is a good God. He simply and matter of factly replied, "Mom, He is the ONLY God!"

Oh yes, He is a good God; indeed, He is the Only God!

Jeremiah 10:6-7 (New American Standard Bible)

⁶ There is none like You, O LORD;
You are great, and great is Your name in might.
⁷ Who would not fear You, O King of the nations?
Indeed it is Your due!
For among all the wise men of the nations
And in all their kingdoms,
There is none like You.

Have a great day walking with the marvelous, matchless King of kings and Lord of lords.

Cindy K.

12 Treatments Remaining...

Today I completed my 21st treatment. This process has not made time stand still as I thought for sure it would do. It seemed almost overwhelming at the beginning to be facing 33 treatments, 5 days/week, 6 1/2 weeks...not matter how I said it it just seemed like such a long time. Now as I look in the rear view mirror I can see the ground we've covered. And, it's been very do-able. My side effects have been so minimal and it's been such a blessing.

At my visit today, the Dr. did another CAT scan. This to look at the tumor bed (site), which should have, and has, shrunk some and also to adjust my treatment, position, focus to provide a "final punch" to the former tumor bed. He let me see the image on the computer as I left the room. Honestly, I didn't like the way it looked and I looked at him and asked "Are you sure that this is normal tissue?" He assured me that it was. I continued to press. "Nothing in there looking like it ought not be there?" He replied that it all looked fine. My final question was - "Cause if there was something there you'd be able to see it right?" He replied yes. So I told him "Okay, I will leave it with you and I am going for a coffee on my way to work and not gonna worry about life." And that's exactly what I did.

So here I sit at my desk, with coffee in hand, taking a break from my regular work to update my blog and thinking about the familiar twinge of fear that tried to creep in as I looked at the CAT scan screen today. Why is that? Haven't I faced the ultimate fear already, afterall, haven't I already heard the words... it is malignant? Will I always have that twinge of fear and apprehension when they peer into my body? Well I find the answers to be.. in order of the above questions ... Don't know, Yes and Yes... But I don't have to let fear (today or tomorrow) grip me and dictate my response.

It all goes back to the greatest truth I somewhat knew but now know that I know even more in the midst of my journey....simply stated my life is in His hands...we have this moment and that is all we've ever had. I will run my race wrapped in His grace, doing all that He has called me to do for all the days He gives me to do it.

Oh how I love You Lord! You've been so much more than merciful to me and You have shown me Your undeserved favor. You have taken such good care of me in this unfortunate diagnosis, yes, but the greatest gift from Your hand is the salvation of my soul, the hope of eternity, righteousness in Christ alone to stand before a holy God ..... this is enough but in your lavish love for me you give me joy and confidence and peace ...

Psalm 4: 7 - 8 (Amplified Bible)

⁷ You have put more joy and rejoicing in my heart than [they know] when their wheat and new wine have yielded abundantly.

⁸ In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust.

Oh my heart overflows with a good theme indeed ... You stun me Lord, You absolutely blow me away with Your majesty and goodness!

May He bless you, my friend, and absolutely stun you to pieces today!

Cindy K.

Going down the other side ....

Today I took my first step on the other side of the half way mark. I officially have less treatments left than what I've already had. Things are going very good...at least as far as my endurance. Fatigue is not noticeable.... afterall, I've always loved to sleep :) ... and the skin irritation is just so minuscule. I'm tempted to ask if they are sure the machine is plugged in. Just kidding. I do feel some changes but they are so completely cope-able. God is good and I'm simply trusting in His mercy over my life and healing. He has been so undeservedly good to me through out this time. I never imagined that I could look a potentially life threatening disease in the face and have the strength, courage and faith to stand. All praise, glory, honor and fame to God, my Father, my Dad who has prepared me all of my life to walk this road. I'm humbled that He has entrusted me with this hardship and is giving me the daily, moment by moment grace to run my race.

Sorry for being so wordy and maybe even a little too personal with my reflections but my heart is just so full...and you know me so you know that I've never had much success at being quiet and introspective. Furthermore, when my fingers get to typing it's like standing on a moutaintop shouting all the goodness of the Lord for all to hear. Thanks for letting me shout .... I love to hear your shouts too ... your joys and victories .... we walk our journeys together ... we all need each other. What a privilege walking with you all. I love you but Jesus loves you more!

Moving on, today I also said goodbye to Mrs. Helms. The 2nd, and the older (in her 70's) of two women that were halfway through their treatments when I began. It's kind of sad to say goodbye. I looked forward to our brief conversations each morning. She also will be in my thoughts and I sincerely pray that she always walks in good health and in God's incredible mercy and favor all the days of her life.

Well that's it from me for today. I hope you have a great day. Spend time with the Father and may He be your delight and as you delight in Him, know that He delights in you and will show you incredible things and it just keeps going on and on ...

Psalm 119:18-20 (Amplified Bible)

¹⁸Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of Your law.

¹⁹I am a stranger and a temporary resident on the earth; hide not Your commandments from me.

²⁰My heart is breaking with the longing that it has for Your ordinances and judgments at all times.

We Love You Lord!